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going back to work?!
che_arami
Posts: 787 ✭
so pre-ds, I worked full time and dw was a student for a long time and a sort of default house wife (no conscious decision that she do that, but kind of driven into it by the fact that I don't clean or cook too well 
. after ds was born, we had the "luxury" of being able to live on student loans for a while. this gave us a nice long maternity leave-ish thing, while at the same time we were both hoping to then transition into careers that we actually like. the plan was for dw to start a new job as a pastor on January 1. the social nature of that job plus the fact that we would be living in the parsonage right next door made it pretty much the perfect job to allow me to also do some freelance work in my chosen field.
of course these plans were too good to be true. the church dw was to pastor seems to be crumbling at the seams, and in desperation to have a paycheck come 2016, we're considering me going back to work full time, simply because it's wayyyyy easier for me to quickly get a job than it will be for her. but now that would leave her suddenly a full time SAHM.
we have lots of thoughts and feelings about this. my greatest concern is just that it's not fair to her! I love ds like the best thing that ever happened to me, but I still need breaks from him throughout the day! and she wouldn't get that for oh, 9 hours or so if I worked full time. clearly there are people who do this....lots! but HOW? we don't have a ton of friends and family in the area who can be a source of regular help, either.
I know this isn't a very clear question, but I think I'm just looking for support and your encouraging stories. ..either about going back to work, or about being a SAHM, or about somehow finding amazing child care for cheap if necessary, or anything else that might be helpful here and maybe by the time I hear a few of your stories I will be able to get my own thoughts and concerns more clear...
. after ds was born, we had the "luxury" of being able to live on student loans for a while. this gave us a nice long maternity leave-ish thing, while at the same time we were both hoping to then transition into careers that we actually like. the plan was for dw to start a new job as a pastor on January 1. the social nature of that job plus the fact that we would be living in the parsonage right next door made it pretty much the perfect job to allow me to also do some freelance work in my chosen field.of course these plans were too good to be true. the church dw was to pastor seems to be crumbling at the seams, and in desperation to have a paycheck come 2016, we're considering me going back to work full time, simply because it's wayyyyy easier for me to quickly get a job than it will be for her. but now that would leave her suddenly a full time SAHM.
we have lots of thoughts and feelings about this. my greatest concern is just that it's not fair to her! I love ds like the best thing that ever happened to me, but I still need breaks from him throughout the day! and she wouldn't get that for oh, 9 hours or so if I worked full time. clearly there are people who do this....lots! but HOW? we don't have a ton of friends and family in the area who can be a source of regular help, either.
I know this isn't a very clear question, but I think I'm just looking for support and your encouraging stories. ..either about going back to work, or about being a SAHM, or about somehow finding amazing child care for cheap if necessary, or anything else that might be helpful here
and maybe by the time I hear a few of your stories I will be able to get my own thoughts and concerns more clear... got our miracle BFP on first IVF after 3 years TTC. DS born may 20, 2015 after emergency cesarean. all are doing well and trying to figure out this new journey!!
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I tried to be super mom and take care of an 8 week old and work at the same time. Ultimately we decided my wife would leave her job and stay at home with the baby. She is 41 and it is the first time in her life that she has not worked so that has been really hard for her. It was also really hard for her to adjust to not having her own money and for me to pay for everything. There are times where she gets frustrated because she will not be able to get anything done because he is teething and refuses to nap. There are days that are hard and then majority of the time she loves that she gets to spend time with him and be there for everything. Our situation is different because I am upstairs in the office so I can go and nurse him and help put him down for naps. I really think it is up to her. Is she open to it? It is stressful and not having help can be hard but she will also get to be there for everything. You have to do what is best for you financially. I know this probably didn't help but just wanted to let you know we get having to make those decisions! I make 3 times what my wife made so her quitting was a no brainier.
Good luck!
TTC # 1 w/PCOS & Hypothyroid
17 cycles finally BFP
I think the trick to enjoying being a SAHM is to get out of the house every day and/or have a routine or schedule. For me, I had a membership at the gym, so every morning DS and I would go to the gym around 9am and stay until about 10:30am. Then we would head straight home, he would nurse and fall asleep for about an hour, and I would do housework until around 12p when he woke up. Then he would take another quick nap from about 2-3:30pm. It was perfect. We had lots of time together, but also lots of time that I got to take "mommy breaks" while he napped or while at the gym.
Baby #1: April 2011 TTC #2 since 2014 Attempt #10 = BFP! Baby arrived January 2016
We've switched before, with my wife being the stay at home mother. She goes stir crazy in about 48 hours. I mean badly -- she gets cranky and grumpy and sad and anxious and frustrated. She loves being home, but she's not psychologically meant to be home, you know? She needs work to balance out her life and psyche. She's an introvert, and for her, that includes alone time away from our kiddo, which is much harder to come by when you're at home with said kiddo.
So now, when we talk about these things, we both agree that the very most we'd want her to stay home with kiddo is about two weeks. And even that, we'd ask Grandma to come visit us to give her the support she'd need to not go crazy.
On the flipside, when I'm stay-at-home, my wife finds her work ever more fulfilling and satisfying. She's the family provider, and it gives her purpose. It took us awhile to figure out what dynamic worked for us, you know? We make about the same, income wise, though I have the potential to earn 20-30k a year more depending on our metropolitan zone. But you know what's way more important than that? Family happiness.
Yey.
You guys will figure it out. And if it's not working, revisit and change things.
~ Sandy
It worked! Two clomid cycles and two IUI's with injectables all BFN, on to IVF! 3dt of 2 perfect embryos on 12/15/14, BFP 7dp3dt! Frederick Lars born at 37 weeks on 8/15/15!! FET for #2 on 9/29/16 - BFP 5dp5dt!! Bertram Wilder and Mabel Moon born at 28.4 weeks on 3/29/17!