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We lost our little girl

JandRVAJandRVA Posts: 298
edited November -1 in Pregnancy and Babies
This is probably the hardest thing I will ever write in my life.

We lost our little girl.

After having a perfect anatomy scan, we went in a few days later for our regular 20 week visit. I mentioned to my OB that I had been having some weird discharge for the past couple of days so she did another ultrasound and tested the discharge to make sure it wasn't amniotic fluid. Everything was perfect. She sent me home and instructed me to take it easy for a few days. So we headed home. As I stood up to get out of our car, I felt a sudden whoosh of fluid. My water had broken. By the time we made it to the Labor and Delivery unit of our hospital, there was no amniotic fluid left. My OB was actually there doing rounds and did another ultrasound on me. She was shocked at the change from just a few hours earlier.

Being only 20 weeks along, there was nothing the hospital staff could do. After being given three terrible options (termination, induction, or waiting), we opted to wait in the hope that we might be able to spend even a few moments with our daughter. Four days later, I delivered our sweet little girl. We named her Hope since that was the word we seemed to say the most over those four days. She was so beautiful and perfect. Her heart continued to beat for two hours before it finally stopped. Minutes later, I was rushed to the operating room for an emergency D&C/blood transfusion as I had began to hemorrhage.

We're finally back home and the recovery is going slowly. To say we are heartbroken is an understatement. I just feel so incredibly lost at this moment.
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Trying for Baby #2: 4th IUI June 2016 - BFP!
Sweet little Rose was born on Feb 25th
Baby #1: Lucky #7 July 2015 - BFP
Our little girl, Hope, was born at 20w4d after PPRoM. She passed away 2 hours after birth.
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    kstarrkstarr Posts: 1,008
    edited November -1
    i am so sorry for your loss.
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    ICI #1 April 2012- BFN ICI #2 March 2013 BFN
    DH had vasectomy reversal October 2013. It worked!!!
    Counts are low, varicocele surgery was in August 2014.
    IVF February 2016 w/ICSI transferred 2 perfect blastocysts. It's twins!!!!
    Two perfect, beautiful boys born 10/24/16!!
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    b&kmakebabiesb&kmakebabies Posts: 818
    edited November -1
    I am so so sorry for your loss. That is devastating. Your family is in my thoughts.
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    TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
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    ana8284ana8284 Posts: 628
    edited November -1
    There are no words. I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you are suffering right now. Thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife.
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    IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
    KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
    Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
    IUI #8 04/15- BFN
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    babybabybabybaby Posts: 1,564
    edited November -1
    i can't even imagine. to have come so far and have her there in your arms. . . no words. i'm so sorry for your loss.
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    StephnHeidsStephnHeids Posts: 407
    edited November -1
    I agree, there are no words. My heart hurts for you :( You and your family are in my thoughts.
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    blkbrd3blkbrd3 Posts: 1,221 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    I am unable to express my condolences effectively. I am so sorry for your loss.
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    old mamaold mama Posts: 4,682
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry.
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    flashpackerflashpacker Posts: 363
    edited November -1
    As Ana said, there are no words. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.
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    hopeful2014hopeful2014 Posts: 428
    edited November -1
    I'm so very sorry for your loss.
    35 years old - SMBC * 3 ICIs, 6 IUIs, 1 ectopic, 1 chemical, blocked left tube.
    Lucky #10 - IVF!
    Two sweet baby girls (IVF 2015, FET 2017)
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    momsquaredmomsquared Posts: 59
    edited November -1
    So very very very sorry
    December 2016 Ages 9,7,5 & 3
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    katookatoo Posts: 324
    edited November -1
    My heart aches for you. Words cannot express how sorry I am for your loss.
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    MNmommasMNmommas Posts: 1,081
    edited November -1
    Oh ladies... :( Heartbroken & devastated I'm sure only just begin to describe the pain. What a precious, bittersweet two hours you had with your perfect little baby. So very sorry for your ground-shifting loss, for the gaping hole torn in your heart. <3
    Donor 7070, births 2012 & 2013
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    leighharper3leighharper3 Posts: 15
    edited November -1
    I'm so sorry for your loss
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    tinydancertinydancer Posts: 1,210
    edited November -1
    oh my, what a horrible loss. I am sorry you are in this situation. I will keep you in my thoughts.
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    OkayBabyOkayBaby Posts: 503 ✭✭
    edited November -1
    So terribly sorry you're experiencing this. Absolutely tragic. Sending lots of hugs and positive vibes.
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    jones.mom02jones.mom02 Posts: 295
    edited November -1
    Oh gosh, I'm so very sorry. My heart aches for you and your family. Sweet baby Hope, may you rest in piece little angel. You and your family are in my thoughts.
    Celebrating 10 years together with 2 precious babies.
    Born: Jan, 2016 Home 2 IUI, partner carried
    Born: Nov, 2016 Home 1 ICI, I carried
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    TurtlehartTurtlehart Posts: 834
    edited December 2015
    I am so sorry. You are in my thoughts and prayers.
    Our sweet boy has arrived after TTC'ing for 4 years!
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    Jen&TiffJen&Tiff Posts: 156
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry. Your family is in my thoughts and prayers.
    Trying since June 2015 for baby #1. Took a break for 8 months and are trying again!
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    che_aramiche_arami Posts: 787
    edited November -1
    we are so, so sorry to read this. thank you for sharing your story and the moments you had with Hope. you are all in our thoughts.
    got our miracle BFP on first IVF after 3 years TTC. DS born may 20, 2015 after emergency cesarean. all are doing well and trying to figure out this new journey!!
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    WannabeasinglemamaWannabeasinglemama Posts: 969
    edited November -1
    I am so sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, I know that terrible feeling. Take some time off work to grieve. xoxo
    Nicole-SMBC-39y/o-TTC since Jan. 2013
    IUI~BFP (BORN STILL) AT 16w5d 4/3/14
    Chemicals~IUI 7/24/14;8/21;BFNs~9/25;10/19;IVF#1-2/21/15~No embies made to blast.
    IVF#2-BFP~4/16 trans. 2 embies
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    EMG_RELEMG_REL Posts: 2,379
    edited November -1
    I am just so sorry. I wish there were words of real comfort, but I'm sure there aren't. Please try to take care of yourselves.
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    Mommy2016Mommy2016 Posts: 1,037
    edited November -1
    I know there are no words to comfort you right now, but please know you are in everyone's thoughts. I am so sorry for the loss of your precious baby girl.
    Luca Gabriel was born 10/25/17 at 34 weeks, due to PROM. He's healthy and perfect! I'm in love!
    5/2015-BFN 6/2015-Chemical 8/2015-BFN 10/2015-BFN 12/2015-BFP (miscarriage)
    2/2016-BFN 4/2016-BFN 7/2016-BFN 10/2016-BFN 11/2016-BFN 12/2016-BFN 3/2017-BFP!!!
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    ShannyShanny Posts: 2,456
    edited November -1
    So very sorry for the loss of your sweet baby Hope.
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    merilungmerilung Posts: 1,177
    edited November -1
    Oh, no. I am so, so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful daughter. Please be gentle with yourselves in your grief. Sending love to you both <3
    TTC since September 2007 - 8 donor insems in 2012, all BFN. DH had varicocele repair #2 1/3/14.
    It worked! Two clomid cycles and two IUI's with injectables all BFN, on to IVF! 3dt of 2 perfect embryos on 12/15/14, BFP 7dp3dt! Frederick Lars born at 37 weeks on 8/15/15!! FET for #2 on 9/29/16 - BFP 5dp5dt!! Bertram Wilder and Mabel Moon born at 28.4 weeks on 3/29/17!
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    merryshannonmerryshannon Posts: 503
    edited November -1
    My heart breaks for you guys. I am so very sorry. <3
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    Early ovarian failure. 4 failed ICIs, 6 failed IUIs. Donor Egg IVF in Greece: IVF#1 12/2014 - BFP, miscarried at 6WK3D. IVF #2 4/2015 - BFN. IVF#3 7/2015 - BFP. Baby boy Searc born 4/8/16 - 9lbs, 2 oz <3

    TTC Blog
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    katelmkatelm Posts: 268
    edited December 2015
    Crying with you from here. I am so sorry. Bless you and the spirit of your perfect, beloved little girl.
    My amazing wife is the bedrock of our family. Three beloved foster children now in far flung places. One beautiful son born in March 2011. One amazing daughter born December 2014. We are blessed!

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    emlklg444emlklg444 Posts: 645
    edited November -1
    My heart breaks for you all. I'm so sorry. God bless your little angel.
    1st daughter born 9/26/2013 (bfp 2nd attempt at home ICI)
    2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
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    ahk00ahk00 Posts: 1,420
    edited November -1
    My heart hurts for you all. I am so very sorry for your loss.
    SMBC: TTC since 12/2014: 3 home attempts: 2 BFN & 1 chemical. 3 medicated Dr assisted IUI's: 2 BFN & 1 BFP (04/24/15) with twins in May (new donor) MC with D&C @ 9w. 4th IUI 09/17/15: BFN. 10/15: hsg good. 11/15: BFN. 01/16: BFN. 05/16: Embryos arrested. IVF failed 06/16: KD BFN 07/16: KD BFN 09/16: IUI #7 with donor sperm BFP-MC at 9w w/ D&C. 02/17: diagnosed with hetero compound MTHFR & clotting mutation. 03/09/17 IUI #8: chemical pregnancy. IUI #9: 04/19/17 BFN LOOKING FOR EMBRYO'S TO ADOPT
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    merilungmerilung Posts: 1,177
    edited November -1
    I just wanted to check in with you and let you know that I'm thinking of you. No pressure to respond, just sending love <3
    TTC since September 2007 - 8 donor insems in 2012, all BFN. DH had varicocele repair #2 1/3/14.
    It worked! Two clomid cycles and two IUI's with injectables all BFN, on to IVF! 3dt of 2 perfect embryos on 12/15/14, BFP 7dp3dt! Frederick Lars born at 37 weeks on 8/15/15!! FET for #2 on 9/29/16 - BFP 5dp5dt!! Bertram Wilder and Mabel Moon born at 28.4 weeks on 3/29/17!
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    JandRVAJandRVA Posts: 298
    edited November -1
    Awww this is the first time I've logged in since I posted this. Thank you all for your kind words. And thank you for checking in on us, Merilung.

    We're still at the point where we are taking things day by day. Some days are easier than others but there are still lots of tears even on the good days. My wife, J, has been my rock throughout this all. She's so amazing. Physically, I'm pretty much fully recovered at this point and I've been released from all the doctors' care. They still have no idea what caused the PPRoM but we have an action plan for any subsequent pregnancies. We've been given the go ahead to try again whenever we're ready (I actually have the RE referral next to me on my desk) but at this point we're not even close to that yet.

    As much as I am sad and miss Hope, I'm still so grateful and happy for the few memories I have of our little girl. I miss having her in my arms more than I could ever express but we had two hours with her that no one thought we would have. It's really what keeps me going at this point.
    LKkRm4.png

    Trying for Baby #2: 4th IUI June 2016 - BFP!
    Sweet little Rose was born on Feb 25th
    Baby #1: Lucky #7 July 2015 - BFP
    Our little girl, Hope, was born at 20w4d after PPRoM. She passed away 2 hours after birth.
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