Is there a chance this will ever work?

Mommy2016

So I've done 4 at home tries and one medically assisted IUI. This time I had early positives that faded to nothing. My period just arrived (5 days late.) I've never had a late period...ever. The RE's office says Femara will not make me late, that it was probably stress. I will be 40 this month. Everything I read online is about how you only have a 5% chance of IUI working at age 40. Obviously, I do not like those odds. My RE's office has been positive. They seem to think I will get pregnant in a couple of cycles because even though I am 40, my labs look much better than the average 40 year old.

I've been in a severe depression for days. I mean...serious depression...over the thought that I will never have a baby. I don't know how to face that or what to do with my life otherwise. I know many people will say that if I can't be happy alone I shouldn't be trying to fill my life by having a child, but I swear to you that is not what this is. It's immense grief over the fact that everytime I start my period I feel like I've lost the child I've been believing was coming for the 2 weeks prior and I don't know how to make myself NOT think that way. I passed the required psych exam to use donor sperm with the RE. The lady said I was very reasonable, understanding of the odds, and that I would be a wonderful mother. It was a 2 hour session and very in depth and I was honest about my thoughts and feelings. Yet now I am questioning if she was even right.

Is my RE lying to me about my chances just so I will spend a fortune on IUI? Do they do that? Am I overreacting?

I have to go teach Sunday School now, and I'm sitting here sobbing because I don't want to face all these little kids. I have to go back to teaching kindergarten tomorrow as well. I am starting to consider quitting my job after 18 years because I feel like my career is mocking me. I'm good enough for other people's children, but not for my own.

Is there anyone over 40 who has had success with IUI? How long did it take? Seriously, am I just pathetic? Crazy? Both?

ruedeodeon

It took me 4 tries to conceive my now almost 6 month old when I was 28/29. My friend who is 42 conceived her baby on the first try. It honestly takes some luck and perseverance for anyone. Not just folks trying to conceive via AI,IUI ect. Everyone gets made and frustrated. You're not mad, or crazy or pathetic.

New-mama?

You get there just trying to rest and Relax and try to avoid all the stress.

K&H

It took us three years to get pg with our daughter. It's taking a long time to get pg again, but we continue on because not trying is worse than trying. That's the only thing that keeps me going. To not try would be much worse. I try to have hope, and sometimes I do, but most of the time I'm simply plugging along continuing to try, it's all I've got.

OkayBaby

TCC drives me bananas.. Every month, you are not alone. I'm so sorry you're having an especially tough month. Perfectly healthy 20 yo can take up to a year and be perfectly normal .. I hope you find peace soon. You'll always have our support here!!

Mommy2016

Thanks everyone.

I emailed the clinic today to tell them my period finally started and the nurse actually called me. We talked for a while. She said they still think I have a good shot of getting pregnant quickly using IUI. She did suggest I go ahead and get the HSG test, but I'm afraid it will cost too much. I was originally told insurance wouldn't cover it, but I was also told it wouldn't cover ultrasounds, the trigger shot, meds, etc...and so far it has paid every single thing other than the actual IUI. So they are going to run the HSG through insurance and see what it comes back as my resposibility and we will go from there. I'm praying they cover it, because I keep hearing about how quickly some women get pregnant after the HSG. I hope I'm one of them.

I appreciate all the support and kind words. I'm sorry I come off as whiny so much of the time. This whole process has left me feeling so defeated and out of control. As a single woman, I think it is very difficult to face all this disappointment alone. One of my friends today said, "I know you want to be pregnant, but maybe you should just think about adopting a baby." This from a woman with two kids and one on the way. She has no idea, and honestly, I've looked into it and infant adoption is so much more expensive. I could never do it.

grovehill123

I'm sorry you are going through this Mommy. Its not for the faint of heart. I am over 40, did 6 IUI's doctor assisted in 2015. One thing I would do is always a followup with the doctor to reflect on what else can be done this next cycle to improve the chances. One thing to consider is progesterone, another thing is a uterine nick or biopsy. I know how frustrating it is, and being single does compound it. Working with kids does as well. Bottom line , having a baby is the end goal and keep pushing forward as aggressively as you can handle. I am 5 years older at 45, my labs were good. I always told myself 5% is better than 0% Keep pushing ....

Flower42

I have two friends who are SMBC who had children at about your age, so it's definitely possible.

It's really hard though to spend two weeks trying not to get your hopes up too much, only for them still crash down when AF comes. And then you have the hormone rush of that time of month to add onto it. I hope insurance covers the HSG for you!

Ladywithsodomojo

I don't have any knowledge or advice on if it will work or not, but I will tell you this:
If you were built to be a mama, and you feel it deep within your heart and soul, you are worthy of every single try. Right now the enemy is seeping in and leading you to believe that you aren't capable, and if you aren't happy alone then you're not worthy of a child. This is such a lie!! For as long as I can remember, I have felt that I will only feel complete after having children. I crave it, seek it, and yearn for it more than anything in this world.

I have told myself that if this doesn't work, I will look into the foster to adopt program. This program means adoption is only at most about $1,200, the kids come with health insurance until they're 18, and often also have child care paid through the state until they age out. This is easier said than actually accepting that my body may not be able to do this. And it's a personal decision that everyone may not be open to. But between IVF, surrogacy, and adoption, another door may open if this doesn't work.

This advice may hinder more than help, I'm not sure. But whatever you do, don't lose heart!

Mommy2016

Thanks for your words of wisdom. Becoming a mother is what is in my heart and all I can do is hope and pray it happens.

I have looked into fostering to adopt. I have some reservations about it, only because there are no guarantees and the thought of falling in love with a child and possibly having to give it back would kill me. I have a friend who was doing foster to adopt with a baby boy. She had him from 3months until right before he was a year old. She was sure she was going to be allowed to adopt him, and suddenly the judge decided not to terminate the mother's parental rights. A few months later the mother passed some required parenting classes and got him back. It was heartbreaking for my friend who considered this to be her baby. Even worse, a couple of months later, the mother's boyfriend beat the little boy to death. I'm sick to my stomach thinking about this. It was several years ago, but I will never forget the pain my friend went through. I just know I am not strong enough to go through that.

I have a 17 year old that I love and adore. I adopted her when she was 13, though she had been with me longer. The difference was she was removed from a family member, and her birth parents relinquished their rights (drug addicts, lot's of criminal charges, etc.) She is the best thing in my life and I love her more than anything, but I have also always wanted to be pregnant, to give birth, to raise my child from birth. So I guess regardless of my fears, I can't give up yet.

I really hope that I get good news on insurance covering the HSG. I should know tomorrow. It is $1600 so if insurance doesn't cover, I absolutely cannot do it right now. I keep hearing such good things about people getting pregnant so fast after the HSG...I'm keeping my fingers crossed that it's covered.

RedHeather

Wow, that seems like a lot for an HSG! Does your clinic not offer a self-pay discount? If I remember correctly, it would have been $500 at my clinic if insurance had not covered.

Mommy2016

RedHeather wrote:

Wow, that seems like a lot for an HSG! Does your clinic not offer a self-pay discount? If I remember correctly, it would have been $500 at my clinic if insurance had not covered.

I don't know. I will ask when they call me tomorrow. All I know is I was given a print out at my initial consult and the cost was $600 for the doctor and $1000 for the hospital. It said Blue Cross would play like $40 toward the doctor and $35 for the hospital or something ridiculous like that. Honestly, that makes no sense to me at all. They've paid for all my blood work, scans, everything up until now. And I had a dye test for something else not related to ttc and they paid it. So why should this be different? It is diagnostic. It is not a "treatment." I'm hoping the print out was wrong because it was on several other items.

Ladywithsodomojo

Wow, that is a horrible story. Horrible. That shouldn't happen to anyone. My fear is to fall in love only to lose as well. But just like having my own has been a dream, so has being a family to a less fortunate child. I suppose I have to just trust sometimes that I am making a difference. That time with your friend that the little boy had was likely the best of his life! She gave him that. It's cruel what happened and I pray that does not happen to any child ever again. Horrible. I hope I can love unconditionally regardless.

This is a deeply personal decision and I hear you when you say you are scared. I cried for months after leaving the orphanage I volunteered in, I can only imagine what it would be like to assume they were going to be my own only to have them taken from me.

I hope tomorrow brings hope and another chance. Regardless, know you're not alone.

mre.phd

I just wanted to reiterate that I was in the same boat (I've been quiet in this forum for a while). I tried 9 times on my own and with RE/medically assisted IUI and had an early loss. Then my body went into perimenopause exactly at age 40. I looked into adoption and fostering and was told I was a poor candidate. I was on an embryo adoption list until my brain tumor was diagnosed a few months ago. I don't have any children and I never will now, but I have made peace with it. It's the only thing I could do.

You're not alone.

RedHeather

If you have to go to a hospital for the HSG, that would explain the higher cost. My clinic had their own equipment, so it was an in-office procedure.

Mommy2016

mre.phd...I'm really sorry. I'm glad you've made peace with it. I hope if this doesn't work out for me that I can as well.

RedHeather...Yeah, it is the hospital cost. I am not sure why I would need to do it at the hospital though either, because they seem to have a pretty equipped office. They haven't called yet today, so I guess I'll find out soon enough.

Mommy2016

The clinic did not call today, which means they haven't received info from my insurance yet. I feel like that is probably not a good sign regarding payment. I'm going to be disappointed if I can't do it.

mre.phd...how did you know you started perimenopause? I was worried about this prior to my labs at the RE, but everything came back great. My AMH was 2.75 and all of my hormone levels were prefect. The nurse made the comment that I seemed much younger than 40 and that I had great odds. However, I'm starting to freak out because my period was 5 days late this cycle and now it's completely stopped. So basically I had a "period" for a day and a half, and it wasn't even regular bleeding. Mostly just pink and watery. Could this be a sign I am entering perimenopause? I swear, turning 40 sucks!

Anyway, I will talk to them about my short period when they call about the HSG. Thanks again everyone for letting me vent.

katelm

Mommy2016, I hate to ask because I know how hard this is, but did the clinic give you a blood pregnancy test? I ask because that doesn't sound like a normal period, and a close co-worker of mine was pregnant 8 weeks with all negative HPTs when she finally got a positive test at the doctor's office. It sounds like you're more than ready to be a mom and I wish for you to be holding your baby in your arms - however that may come to be - soon.

mre.phd

My AMH was a lot lower than yours, so that's part of it. But I started having very short, irregular, and very light periods and then the hot flashes kicked in. I consulted with two doctors and they both said perimenopause. I started menses very early as well (age 10), so they said that could be a factor as well.

Mommy2016 wrote:

The clinic did not call today, which means they haven't received info from my insurance yet. I feel like that is probably not a good sign regarding payment. I'm going to be disappointed if I can't do it.

mre.phd...how did you know you started perimenopause? I was worried about this prior to my labs at the RE, but everything came back great. My AMH was 2.75 and all of my hormone levels were prefect. The nurse made the comment that I seemed much younger than 40 and that I had great odds. However, I'm starting to freak out because my period was 5 days late this cycle and now it's completely stopped. So basically I had a "period" for a day and a half, and it wasn't even regular bleeding. Mostly just pink and watery. Could this be a sign I am entering perimenopause? I swear, turning 40 sucks!

Anyway, I will talk to them about my short period when they call about the HSG. Thanks again everyone for letting me vent.

Mommy2016

katelm-They did not give me a blood pregnancy test. I was supposed to have one yesterday if I did not start my period, but I called Sunday to say I started so it was canceled. I will call again tomorrow and see what they think I need to do. I agree it was not a regular period, but HPTs are still negative so I have little hope.

mre.phd-Thank you for sharing that. I hope this is not perimenopause as the only symptom I have is the light period. Maybe it was just from the Femara. Hoping, anyway.

Mommy2016

I never got a "real" period. The HSG turned out to cost $274 so I am doing it next week. The day before, they will give me a blood pregnancy test to make sure, but I am pretty convinced I am not pregnant. Guess I'll know more then.

Holding onto hope for the BFP after HSG that I've heard so much about!

ahk00

Good luck. I got my BFP the 3rd IUI after my 1st HSG. Hoping that this 3rd IUI after my 2nd HSG results in the same but with a sticky baby.

Mommy2016 wrote:

I never got a "real" period. The HSG turned out to cost $274 so I am doing it next week. The day before, they will give me a blood pregnancy test to make sure, but I am pretty convinced I am not pregnant. Guess I'll know more then.

Holding onto hope for the BFP after HSG that I've heard so much about!

Mommy2016

Thanks! I am a little nervous because I keep reading about how painful the HSG is. Hopefully it won't be too bad, but definitely worth it.

Good luck to you too!

ahk00

Thank you. I would recommend taking Motrin about an hour prior to the test. Neither of my hurt, the speculum was more uncomfortable than the dye going through. However, I didn't have any blockage. Good luck!

Mommy2016 wrote:

Thanks! I am a little nervous because I keep reading about how painful the HSG is. Hopefully it won't be too bad, but definitely worth it.

Good luck to you too!

Jen&Tiff

I took 800mg of ibuprofen before mine. It burned during the procedure but it was very short and I had menstrual like cramps after. It wasn't too bad I just needed pain relievers for the rest of the day and the next morning.

handsomecowboo

I didn't enjoy it, but it was very fast- like maybe less than 2 minutes! And with minimal cramping after. I had to wear a liner/pad for a few days from light bleeding. Totally worth the peace of mind! I'd do it again in a heart beat!

Mommy2016

Thanks everyone. I am having it done tomorrow morning. I go for the blood pregnancy test today since I never had a real period. Sort of hoping it is positive so I can skip the HSG. LOL

ahk00

Good luck. Hoping it's a BFP!!!

Mommy2016 wrote:

Thanks everyone. I am having it done tomorrow morning. I go for the blood pregnancy test today since I never had a real period. Sort of hoping it is positive so I can skip the HSG. LOL

New-mama?

Keep us updated fx and praying for bfp

Mommy2016

I am heading over to the hospital now for the test. I highly doubt it is a BFP. Today I have a TON of CM. Probably more than I've ever had and it is pretty clear and stretchy. I am probably ovulating. I knew this would happen when I never had a real period. Today would be 13 days from when my period should have started. The Femara obviously screwed with my cycle. So irritating because they are supposed to do the HSG before you ovulate and they scheduled it based on the weird spotting I had.

Oh well...still hoping for a miracle. Something has to work eventually...right?

New-mama?

Can they reschedule hsg.