This is me freaking out

dustysmomsb

I had my son four years ago. Shortly after his birth his dad died. So I became a single mom. It has been hard but a beautiful ride. I decided to pursue a second child as a SMBC. I also decided to become a licensed foster parent. I have not been able to get pregnant and do not have the money to continue trying or move on to IVF. Today I got a call asking me to foster two boys age one and two. I really want to bring them home but am basically freaking off about just the logistics. Like how do you cross the street when you can't hold all their hands? How do you watch three small children in a swimming pool? How do I fit three car seats in my car? Strangely the big stuff isn't what worries me, but the small stuff. Any words of advice?

MNmommas

1) Backpack leashes - normally I wouldn't recommend anything like that, but this is the exact right situation to use them.


2) Friends? Grandparents? Pools with lifeguards? Inflatables? Puddle jumpers? I suppose it depends where they're swimming.



3) Slimmer carseats (I know there's a thread or two about just this somewhere in the pregnancy or parenting section) or a bigger vehicle.

You can do it! You've got this! I don't blame you for being a little nervous about logistics, but trust yourself. You'll figure it out as you go.

New-mama?

I would hold the two youngest ones hand and have the older one grab hold of one of the other kids hands or the older one can grab ahold of your coat or blouse. As they mentioned slimmer car seats and help of lifeguards or friends in the pool. If you can afford to trade in your car and upgrade I believe I once heard of built in car seats for kids I don't remember which type if car it was though

K&H

Your big kiddo becomes suddenly gigantic. He will be your helper and be the one on the outside hand, holding the other side of the baby up (the baby may not even walk yet). Get a double stroller. Or if nothing else, a single stroller and each of the bigger kids holds one side (I would assign each one a particular side and label it with a ribbon or some way to know which is which.. Otherwise you will constantly have fighting about who stands where) then when you go somewhere you put the baby in the stroller and a kid on either side.

Google your particular car and "three car seats", there should be plenty of advice about which car seats work best. They should both be rear facing, so that will give you extra room because your son's forward facing seat will fit in the middle like a puzzle piece.

The swimming thing is tough. Are you a big swimmer, you go a lot? I would probably get a water sling and put the baby in that on your back. Is your 4 year old confident in the water, or does he still need a lot of one on one? I would try to find a zero entry pool, or a splash pad and leave off the true swimming until later, probably even a year or two away. You may need a friend to always go with you when you take them all to the pool.

Make a schedule, break it down by 2 hour blocks if possible, and stick with it. I would make a big poster that had pictures to say what time it is, kind of like you're a teacher. So it would have a toothbrush and clothes in the first block to say get up and get dressed. Then a block for breakfast, then a block for whatever comes next (leave for daycare/school etc), a block for morning activity, a block for snack, a block for lunch, etc all throughout the day. Start early with the going to bed routine (seriously, we are in the wind down to bedtime by 4:00) For us the schedule is:

7:00 wake up, able to leave your room (really only applies to biggest kiddo), dressed before coming downstairs (absolutely essential)
7:30 breakfast, hair, teeth, etc
8:30 leave for school
8:45 drop off E
9:00 drop off J
9:15 drop off C
--run around like a crazy chicken
11:30 pick up E
12:00 pick up J
12:30 pick up C (J and E have lunch in the car, C at her school)
1:30 rest time, C goes down first and sleeps, J is in a room with a story playing and some toys (you'll probably get two sleepers), and E sits on the sofa with headphones and a story for quiet time.
3:30 everybody up, free play time
4:00 begin making dinner
4:30 dinner
5:15 bath time
5:45 pjs and stories
6:15 lights out stories and songs
6:30 bedtime - done!
Because it is the same every day it flows smoothly, and the stretches of time aren't so long. Even the days with no school there is a period of three hours to fill with a morning activity, otherwise everything runs just about exactly the same. It will be a huge shift to have three kids and only one you, so make sure that you are working on an early bedtime to give you time to have some head space, do the dishes, laundry, get ready for the next day, etc.

Definitely join in with whatever foster parent support groups you can find, make new friends that are also doing this. They will have the best advice. It's a ton of work to go from one to three, but if you keep it small to start and stay consistent and practice with the rules that manage the crowd you'll get there. Little ones learn quickly and will figure out what you need, and what you'll allow(!) in no time at all.

You can do this! Ask for help from friends and family, join a church if you don't have anyone near by. Church people love to hold babies and help out (in my experience).



This is what 4, just 3, and 1 looked like for us:


And this is yesterday, at nearly 6, 4, and 3

old mama

You can do it. In the pool use life jackets. I had more little ones than you. I lined them up sitting on the edge until I got settled and let them go in. It wasn't long before they were able to learn to swim enough that I felt I could take the jackets off knowing that they could get themselves to the edge. I was always nearby. I was a bear with my kids when it came to safety. They can hold each others hands too. I went from 12 to 15 passenger van as my family grew...who cares about style I need room. Part is discipline with the kids teaching them about safety first. I adopted 8 and raised 11 more foster children as a single mom. If your heart is there you will find a way. Good Luck.

ahk00

You can do this. Just take the leap & have faith. Ask for help & like K&H said have a schedule. It sounds silly @ first but even w/ 1 who has ADHD it helps tremendously. Not just for me but for him too. You've got this. HUGS!!