Tennessee moms

Turtlehart

My wife and I live on the Virginia/Tennessee state line, and are currently unsure about the Virginia hospital closest to us (we've heard several unfavorable reviews). We would like to switch OB's to someone who has privileges at the better hospital on the Tennessee side.
I called the Tennessee Dept. of Vital Records this morning and they reported that, although both of us will be listed on birth certificate, there is a chance I would be listed as "father" since they have not made paperwork current.
Have any of you had any experience with this, and do I need to worry about the legality of the birth certificate if they have not updated by October?

OkayBaby

I'm in FL .. One of the very few states still left arguing whether or not both moms can even be put into a birth certificate- UGGGHHH!!! It would seriously take someone 30 seconds to update the form and mass email it out. That said, when the world finally gets off their self righteous lazy butts you can always get an updated birth certificate. Until then it could be slightly legally wonky if in a legal predicament, but there should be some protection having your name on there father or otherwise. The next option is step parent adoption for a few thousand. We'll probably roll the dice and risk it until we can just get an updated copy. Look for my name in the news come September though cause my wife's name IS going on that FL birth certificate before we leave the hospital, father or whoever. Enough is enough!!
Sorry for ranting. Lol

Turtlehart

My wife's family is from Florida. Not one of the states I would have expected to drag their feet so hard through all of the equality progress, and certainly disappointing that it has.
I just can't except that we should compromise my wife and baby's care based on paperwork! The OB we have been seeing was one I liked because she brings her pets to the veterinary hospital that I work at, but so far she is the ONLY thing we like about that office. Rude staff, extreme wait times (4 hours!), and two of the other doctors don't acknowledge me when I am in the room (obviously the receptionist misunderstood me when I clearly asked if everyone was comfortable with us being a same sex couple).

stwrr

Just a reminder that names on a birth certificate do NOT confer legal parental rights in ANY state. Please please check with an attorney in your state for the safest options for your family.

We are in Wisconsin. My wife is listed as father of our two month old. Our step parent adoption hearing is tomorrow, and they'll reissue it later as parent one and two. But it's the order of adoption that confers parental rights.

In Florida in 2011, when my wife adopted our daughter, the attorney made sure we did Not try to put her on the birth certificate, as it would later screw up the adoption and have to be undone.

Ask an attorney who specializes in same sex families. It matters.

~ Sandy

2texasmoms

stwrr wrote:

Just a reminder that names on a birth certificate do NOT confer legal parental rights in ANY state. Please please check with an attorney in your state for the safest options for your family.

We are in Wisconsin. My wife is listed as father of our two month old. Our step parent adoption hearing is tomorrow, and they'll reissue it later as parent one and two. But it's the order of adoption that confers parental rights.

In Florida in 2011, when my wife adopted our daughter, the attorney made sure we did Not try to put her on the birth certificate, as it would later screw up the adoption and have to be undone.

Ask an attorney who specializes in same sex families. It matters.

~ Sandy

I second all of this, most heartily. My son didn't have DW on his birth certificate until right before his 3rd birthday, but we finalized a second-parent adoption in Texas at 3 months old. So she had parental rights without the birth certificate. The adoption is what matters--that's what can't be challenged. There are all kinds of legal precedents for the names on birth certificates being overturned, but adoption has pretty much always been treated as legally binding. Talk to an attorney in your state, for sure.

b&kmakebabies

I second the last two posters. I have a lawyer in VA who does it for $750 (assuming you don't have to go to court, which rarely happens but could). She charges $200 for a family planning phone conference for same-sex couples and we found it very valuable!

Turtlehart

Awesome advice everyone, thank you! We will definitely look into it.
B&k, do you know if there are any hang ups with us living in Virginia and having the baby in TN?

stwrr

That's a great question for your attorney! Sometimes legal considerations are based on the state of birth, and usually on the state of parental residence.

OkayBaby

I heard its a 2-3k in Florida.. Interesting how much it can vary by state.

b&kmakebabies

I'm not sure! I'd definitely ask a lawyer. Probably a consultation will answer all your questions. I'd compile a huge list of questions so you get your money's worth at a consultation!

Turtlehart

You guys are the best! Thank you!

MNmommas

I think it depends more on who your lawyer is than on the state - although court costs are part of the amount, the lawyer costs are usually more. When we checked out different attorneys in MN, we found a wide range of prices, from around $1400 to more than $4500 for the exact same services.

2texasmoms

Our adoption attorney charged on a sliding scale based on income. We were in the top bracket she used and it was around $3k...but TX had a million hoops to jump through and required going before a judge. So I think price mostly depends on lawyer but could also be linked to how complicated the process is in your state.

I recommend finding someone who specializes in same-sex families.

kelleymel

We had to hire an attorney who specialized in same sex adoption. I adopted my daughter in another city because the law firm said they had to Judge shop in order to get one that would allow the adoption. This was before the SCOTUS ruling. I know that my name can appear on the birth certificate if we have a child now, but I am not sure what legal rights that actually grants, so we will likely consult the law firm again.

SPJ&E

We've talked a bit before, but it has been a long time. We live in VA and saw an OB in Bristol, TN and delivered our son at the hospital there 4.5 years ago.

I contacted the hospital recently to ask about putting both moms on the birth certificate (planning to have another baby). I was told that as long as we are legally married, we can both be on it, BUT they do not have updated forms, so my wife would be listed as "father". I have no idea what a VA birth certificate would list her as. We plan to complete a stepparent adoption though, even if she is on the birth certificate from the get-go.

Turtlehart

SPJ&E, so good to hear from you! We have successfully set up an apt with the new OB, and are planning the birth at Bristol Regional. When I contacted the hospital, they said they have not had a case for both moms on the birth certificate since marriage equality became national. Tennessee Dept. of Vital records told me the same thing you were told. I have heard that Virginia is still working out the kinks too, so we may as well go to the better hospital. We are already looking into family lawyers regarding second parent adoption.
So glad you're back!!!

SPJ&E

I sent you a forum e-mail.

Turtlehart

I haven't received anything yet, but will keep checking.

SPJ&E

Just tried again...hopefully it comes through.

SPJ&E

If it didn't come through, just send me a quick email at sanka_03 @ yahoo.com and I will reply to that.