1 child or 2, and why?

kelleymel

We've been ttc #2 since last April. I think we are going to try another round of ivf, but it's so expensive! We love our life with our one child. Maybe that's enough kids?

How many do you have vs how many did you want?

merilung

We wanted a LOT of kids but the 7 years of TTC set us way back. I'm 95% sure that the twins are our last babies. If we decide to try for a 4th we'll do a single embryo transfer.

K&H

It took us years, and we had literally come to the decision that one kid was great and we would be happy with that.
And then ivf worked and we matched for our little guy. Boom! We have three instead of the one we had resigned ourselves to.
We have always hoped for four. We'all see what life has in store for us.
I guess I'd say keep trying if you need to, and if you don't need to, then don't.

emlklg444

I feel a twinge of guilt admitting this...but having just one child was great. We'd successfully made it through potty training and we were all finally sleeping great at night. And truly, I think if we had to do it all over again I think we would have just had only our oldest daughter & no more. Baby number 2 has been challenging. She was WAY more colicky that her sister was. She is nearly a year old and has yet to sleep well at night. She has some significant delays & currently functions at a 5 to 6 month old level in terms of gross motor abilities. It has not been an easy road... but we love our baby girl endlessly and are thankful she's with us. Hopefully things will only get better and as they get older our daughters will become the best of friends. (they are 3 and 11 months now) I am now contemplating a 3rd child...but if that should happen it will most likely be via adoption... for some reason my own eggs seem to produce screaming colicky babies and there are so many children out there in need of loving families.

RedHeather

I'm about 99% sure I'll be one-and-done. I'm even in the process of buying a two-bedroom house -- that's how sure I feel. My daughter was an easy baby and so far has been an easy (not overly needy) toddler, which works out well because I am an introvert and need my "me time." If my daughter were one of those kids who wants attention every waking minute, then I might be tempted to have another just so she'd have a playmate to distract her. But so far we are both content as a family of 2.

ruedeodeon

I want one more but I am so very divided, when R is having a good day I want a pile of babies, but when he is having a bad day (which can be often) i am so glad to only have one. Toddler years are so so so so so so hard and it is so hard to just keep him from running into the street at any given fraction of a second. The main reason I would have another would be a companion brother or sister for R, and I would be SO MUCH MORE relaxed at having a newborn because I know they dont just die (inspite of what everyone says about SIDS) I was spending every waking second stressing if R was still alive....I 50% want another one hahah

SPJ&E

We have 3, which my wife is fine with. I, on the other hand, desperately want 1 more. We will start trying this month or next.

Why? I have no idea. I just feel like someone is missing.

For the record, having 2 (or more) kids does not mean they will be companions or keep each other busy. Sometimes, it just means they have someone to fight with! My oldest 2 are complete opposites in every single way and can't stand each other most of the time. My youngest and my middle son can be absolute best friends one minute and screaming at each other the next. So...there's that.

kelleymel

We've been going back and forth about whether another round of IVF is worth it. We've never tried my eggs, but it's so expensive, I'm swinging from the pendulum.

14 fertility treatments have yielded one amazing kid. Maybe we just need to sink our resources into her and quit trying

I'm afraid I'll resent never having tried, myself. I'm 39, so it's now or never. We just really can't afford IVF and daycare for 2. It's going to wipe us out.

hopeful2014

I had 2 leftover embryos and was at peace with the idea that if one could turn into baby number 2, then excellent! But if I had two FETs and neither was successful, I would be happy with my daughter and not try again.

I'm very lucky because my first FET worked and so far at 15 weeks tomorrow, baby girl #2 is healthy and growing.

I am an only child and I'm a SMBC so I REALLY wanted to give my daughter a sibling. I have no living grandparents and I was raised by a single mom so our family circle is very small. I wanted my two kids to have each other as they grow up. If I had a bigger nuclear or extended family, I may not have felt so strongly about it.

I definitely know the money part is scary, but if you can swing it at all, even as debt, and you would resent yourself for not trying, that might be your answer.

Shanny

I'm one and done and very happy about it. That doesn't mean I didn't think about #2 for years. I swung back and forth for quite awhile. I'm glad this is where I landed. It feels right. I haven't ruled out adopting an older child at some point but for now this is all I can handle.

When I'd pose this questions people would always say "you'll never regret having another one but you might regret not trying". I'm honestly not convinced that I wouldn't regret if I had another one. The idea of being outnumbered never appealed to me

kelleymel

I think my strong desire to have 2 is because I was an only child and always felt like I was missing out. My wife, also an only child, has never felt that way. We are older parents (37/39) and want our daughter to have a sibling to be with her after we have passed or as we age. I think if money wasn't an issue, then the debate over #2 would be non-existent - which makes me feel like we should just go for it. I wish daycare and life (in general) wasn't so blasted expensive.

JandRVA

We keep debating this topic at our house. I have always wanted to have more than one child but pregnancy has been a really difficult experience for me. Between our first loss and now having a high risk pregnancy, it's definitely taken an emotional toll. Financially, we're in a good place right now to have a single child and I think we would have to move out of our area if we decided to have another. And our ages don't really help the situation (I'm 33 but my wife is 42). I think we'll be testing the waters with one for the next year or so and making the decision later.

b&kmakebabies

It's been interesting to read these responses. I'd love one more, though my wife refuses to talk about it until our son is much older and we learn if a brother or sister is something that would work with him and his personality. My wife says we decided to bring him into this world first so we need to understand him before fully deciding on another or not. I like that mentality. But can't help but already wish for another one and our son is only 2 months. Lol!

WeMakeBeautifulBabies

If you think you will regret not having ever tried with your body, I think you should try a few cycles and see what happens! Especially if you have regular cycles and are fairly sure you are ovulating.

kelleymel

You all have been a huge help. We decided to bite the financial bullet and do 1 more round of IVF. Hopefully this will complete our family!