Welcome to our new forum! All existing NW Cryobank forum users will need to reset their passwords. Click forgot password and enter your email address to receive the link. Email us at info@nwcryobank.com with any questions.
NW Cryobank community boards and sibling connect groups will no longer be available after December 20th, 2023.
Options
New Here - How Did You Choose a Donor?
coteamyk
Posts: 58 ✭
My wife and I are brand-new to this and finding it very difficult to choose a donor. We feel very uncomfortable having no idea what these men look like. I am not a shallow person, but I think it's fair to say that most people if given the choice, would like to have a child with someone that they would deem physically attractive. 5'11", blonde hair, and blue eyes just doesn't tell us much.
Some of the banks offer baby photos, but I just think in many cases grownups look nothing like they did when they were a baby. Most babies are cute by nature and some of them grow up to be not-so-cute adults. Only one bank that I know of offers adult photos and they are very expensive. We would just like to have a better visual of this guys actual features.
We were wondering if there is a post here somewhere where people show photos of their kids and say the donor they used? Or is this taboo for some reason? (Other than the fact that some people prefer to keep such things private).
Thanks for any help or advice in advance!
Some of the banks offer baby photos, but I just think in many cases grownups look nothing like they did when they were a baby. Most babies are cute by nature and some of them grow up to be not-so-cute adults. Only one bank that I know of offers adult photos and they are very expensive. We would just like to have a better visual of this guys actual features.
We were wondering if there is a post here somewhere where people show photos of their kids and say the donor they used? Or is this taboo for some reason? (Other than the fact that some people prefer to keep such things private).
Thanks for any help or advice in advance!
0
Comments
TTC #2: IVF April 2017
BFP: FET Due February 2018
Sometimes you just have to pick a starting point and search from there until you find one you like.
Keep in mind, it took us three years to get pg, by the time we finally got pg we had used tons of different donors, but our child is absolutely perfect for us.
IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
IUI #8 04/15- BFN
We're not "shopping" for our donor based solely (or even primarily) on how the donor looks. Of course we are choosing on genetics and health history first, and then trying to match my wife's physical characteristics. I just I guess I just feel like actual photos of the person (or their offspring) would enhance the profile and make it a little bit easier to narrow it down.
I have dark brown hair and dark brown eyes, my wife has light brown hair and green eyes. So my genes are dominant anyway, we'll probably end up with a carbon copy of me despite ourselves. Haha!
Thanks again
TTC #1
For us, we narrowed down the donors based on open communication and ethnicity first, as we wanted a donor who shared the Irish & German roots that DW & I have in common and we didn't want an anonymous donor. From there, we had maybe 10 profiles to decide from. We looked through them with a toss/keep mentality. Tossed the ones under 6'0", any who were height/weight disproportionate, those who smoked, those who drank more than 0-3 times per week, had any family or personal health/medical issues aside from mild allergies, etc. We looked to the Interests, Education, Staff Impressions, and Essay sections to see who piqued our interest. It didn't take very long to narrow down the donors and make our final selection. Our chosen donor was a clear match for us, so no agonizing happened over here!
Best wishes! I found sifting through the profiles to be the most enjoyable part of TTC - much more fun & interesting than peeing on sticks and stressing over when to insem!
Call and ask them about it, or email.
Thanks so much! We're also using an open donor which seems to limit our options, thankfully lol I do have two of my siblings and my mom have blue/green eyes and light hair, so maybe there is hope for us afterall.
Another random question: we are using the "past pregnancy" (yes) in our search criteria. Did you consider that as well? I just can't see spending $$$ for a donor who's never actually produced a pregnancy before. But I feel like this reduces our candidate pool quite a bit as well.
TTC #1
We are definitely going to use that option! Thanks so much!
TTC #1
Thanks for the reply! I know when we get our BFP all of these worries will seem insignificant. I can't wait
TTC #1
Thanks so much for the response. I appreciate your input!
TTC #1
I'm so glad you said that because I had no idea how selective these banks are or what criteria they use. I had been wondering about it. Like I said, I'm not shallow, but we all know someone out there that we wouldn't voluntarily reproduce with...ya know what I'm saying? Thanks for the reply!
TTC #1
And I gain more jerk points.
I know this thread has veered off, buy by the time people have kids and they aren't baby chub, the donor is usually long sold out anyway.
Just call the bank and be shallow like me.
Lucky Cycle 14: IVF!! Antagonist Cycle with Lupron Trigger
If you used a donor with blue eyes, you would have a 50-50 chance of birthing a light-eyed child because you inherited the genes for blue eyes from your mom (simply speaking, of course - eye color is a bit more complex than that, but your odds really would be 50-50).
I wouldn't worry too much about the "past pregnancy". NW tests the sperm, so it is extremely unlikely that the sperm they carry are unable to fertilize an egg. Besides that, there's a good chance that the donor has produced a pregnancy in the past but either A) they didn't know about it (from their personal life) or the pregnant mama hasn't reported it to NW yet (from frozen sperm). Plenty of women wait until the end of the first trimester or to after the baby has been born to report the pregnancy, and some women don't report their babies at all (or do so much, much later). So just because the donor's profile says "No" for past pregnancies, that may not actually be the case. It just means that there are no pregnancies that NW knows about. Also, I'm not sure how often they update that information. So if you like a donor but it says they have no past pregnancies, it might be worth a call to NW to check and see if that's still true.
We were initially concerned with our donor not having previous pregnancies, but after reading the posts by the wonderful women on this forum, similar to the comments made by christeacher, we decided it would not be a deciding factor for us.
In terms of the open or anonymous communication, another poster in another thread shared that donors can change their communication status at a later date. Because of this, we also did not use this as a basis for our decision.
I hope this helps, I know I kinda ramble. But I also know reading other people's process was and is helpful to me, so I figured I would share!
Best of luck!
Jess 29, Tiff 30 (carrying)
Started TTC in 2014
IVF, July 2016, Flare Protocol, retrieval on 7/17 (freeze all), 14 out of 17 mature, all 14 fertilized!
FET on 9/22, 1 5-day blast transferred, BFP! 1st U/S on 10/24! Expected due date is June 10, 2017!
2nd daughter born 3/8/2016 (bfp after 7 attempts at home ICI, 2 miscarriages, 1 D&C)
age 36
age 39