Boys & Women's Restrooms

blkbrd3

It doesn't bother me to see boys 10 and under in the women's restroom.

As an aside I used to work with disabled adults and on occasion female staff would need to accompany adult developmentally disabled men to the bathroom. If we couldn't find a family bathroom or an unoccupied men's room we would take them to use the women's room. (We didn't use occupied men's room because they felt unsafe to staff. Female staff were often stared at, touched and/ or propositioned. It's hard to take care of your client and yourself in a situation like that.)

After a brief announcement requesting permission to bring the client in, nearly 100% of the time women were receptive and gave permission for the gentleman served to come in. I can remember being asked to wait once in the 12 years I worked in the field. So if women can accept mentally challenged men in their 30s - 70s using the women's room, most can support a mom escorting her young son.

Duck

I pretty much agree with what Chrysanthemum's husband said. I think if a child is old enough to be able to be responsible for washing their hands, using a urinal when appropriate and understanding you go in and out quickly - they should be fine. However, it obviously depends on the kid and their level of independence. Depending on if we end up with a boy or a girl, I could easily find myself in the position of having a little girl in the men's room on a regular basis. I do feel like it's easy enough in most situations to navigate around the urinals (having been in this situation with my niece before). Thankfully more and more family restrooms are also popping up, which is the ideal choice.

Lauran

This is interesting.

Years ago, before I had my own kids, I was out with my niece (11) and nephew (7) at a restaurant. There was a strange-acting man there who kept trying to get my nephew's attention. When my nephew had to pee, you better believe I took him with me to the women's restroom. Had that strange-acting man not been there, I *think* I would have done the same thing, but I'm not sure.

In a one-stall restroom, I think once they're old enough to go on their own at home (get their pants back up and zipped, wash hands), sure they can go on their own while Mom stands outside. But in a packed place with lines and all kinds of people roaming around? I think it's a justifiable paranoia and would not judge anyone for bringing their son in the women's bathroom! I have no idea what I'll do when Cruz gets to that age--I'm guessing it will depend on the situation.

Flowergirl

I've read this entire discussion, which I must say I have found quite interesting...

I just want to say that there have been many times where a Mom has brought her 6-10 yr old son into the women's restroom where I've been and it doesn't bother me. Kids of that age are old enough to know better than to be peering under/through the doors and if a boy of that age is in the ladies restroom, it's because they are with their Mom, etc. who is also in the restroom and any decent parent wouldn't allow their 6-10 yr old child (of any age actually) to be looking in or under the stalls!

Just today I witnessed a lady send her very young son into the mens bathroom while she waited by the door. (he was approximately 4) She talked to him from the doorway the entire time and kept prompting him to flush, pull up his pants, wash his hands, etc. When he finally emerged, pulling up his pants, she asked him, [and I quote] "why is your wiener hanging out of your shorts? Look down, pull your pants back down, and tuck that back in first!" this all while standing outside of the restroom directly across from all the registers at the front of our Walmart supercenter. She then proceeded to help him readjust his underwear and finish pulling up his pants, still in everyone's plain view. Not that anything bad necessarily came of this incident - it was just something that happened that made me think of this conversation.

And correct me if I'm wrong, but aren't the only ones who voiced adamant opposal to boys in women's restrooms, ones without kids? I believe this may be one of those things where we all are entitled to an opinion, but until it's our very own child we're talking about - who's to say how we will actually feel? It's easy to say it is unacceptable until it's your own child's well being that is in question - at that point, you may very well not care how many strangers you anger - I believe your childs safety will be of utmost importance. Just my opinion too of course! I just know that for me, my son isn't even born yet, and the fierce protection and love I feel for him surpasses anything I've ever felt or imagined for another human being in my entire life. Even now, I would do anything to protect him, and already My views on some things have changed due to the birth of feelings you never even knew existed until you are a Mom to your very own baby. Sorry... Kind of got off on a side note here - just some of my opinions on this subject.

lippysaunt

I amy not have kids yet but I get paid to take care of kids daily. I work with kids of both genders (but mainly boys) and of various ages. I never want to make the call to a aprent that something bad happened to their kid and am considered by most parents to be extremely safety conscious, more so than they are in most cases. I used to think like most of you before I worked with kids reguarly and became familiar with their capabilities. Kids are not as helpless are adults think. Also when my best friend's son was about 5 she sent him into the mens room alone. I questioned her on itbecause it seemed crazy at the time but she looked at me like I had 3 heads and said of course he goes in the men's room. She waited outside the door and said she knows her kid and knows how long it takes him to pee. She said if it took him longer than she deemed necessary she would go in after him. This seemed like a healthy way to handle a child's budding independence to me. I too have stood outside the door and talked to a boy who was in the men's room and helped him hands off. I think it is important to a. Respect your son's privacy and b. Repsect the other women in the restroom.

I may not have kids yet but I am at least as qualified as every mother on this board and more qualified than many because I have worked with many many children and not just the ones I've given birth to as is the case with most first time parents. This isn't my first rodeo.

mel

I have been (almost always pleasantly) surprised over and over how much things change with Nannies when they have children of their own. I haven't seen that anyone here is forcing an older boy into the women's restroom against his will, and the vast majority of us have boys who are too young to go alone right now, anyway. Like Flowergirl said though, I will always think about my son's needs before the preference of random strangers in a public restroom. It will be interesting to see how opinions evolve as our kids mature! I'm so glad this new board is here.

Zen

I took care of kids before Shiloh and all of my decisions were spot on. But having had Shiloh ... I can't tell you the number of things I question, second quess, and seek help from others! There's no question of capability before motherhood. But that mama-tiger component changes when it's yours!

Flowergirl

As others have said, it is definitely not a question of capability, experience, or even "poor judgement", just because a person has not had a child of their own. That's why i mentioned that every opinion is very legitimate, I was more trying to shed light on the caution that was clearly being shown by all the Mommas when speaking of their own sons. I have also cared for more children in my years than I will ever even dream of having myself. I was an excellent Nanny and never once have I done something or made a call with another persons child that could be questioned or deemed unsafe. My last Nanny job was triplet BOYS and their older brother. I even have a little girl who used to live with us, who I loved like she was my own (I was there for her birth & she was with us 80% of the time until 2 and then full time after that - we were planning to adopt her) and to this day I love her dearly. Experience and capability are absolutely not to be overlooked or belittled, but it's hard to explain the transformation that occurs in even the most experienced, when that child is fully and totally yours. Like I said, I'm sure I have yet to even experience it fully myself, as my son isn't even born yet, but no matter how many kids I have cared for, nurtured, and loved through the years - like Zen said, there's a place in your heart and mind that seems to just stay dormant, until you have a baby of your own, and at that point, without even realizing how it happened, the Mama tiger is born. So my point being that an opinion or judgement call I may have deemed perfectly acceptable in the past, may suddenly take on new importance or a sense of extra caution, once the child belongs to you. It doesn't mean your former opinion was wrong, or even unsafe - it simply means that you have changed to mom mode, and so even if it may or may not be "overly cautious", you won't care - because it is your child and it will be what you feel is best for them.

wasnervouswreck

Google Adam Lee Brown, and tell me you still feel comfortable sending your young child to the bathroom alone. Of course he is an extreme example. But, after seeing these predators stalk their prey first hand I know that if they get a chance to molest your child they will even if it is in public.

Lauran

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer here--each mom will make the right decision for her and her child each time the decision must be made.

But I just want to say, as respectfully as I can, caring for other children, no matter how many, is not the same as raising one. I worked in child care for many years. I had 7 nieces and nephews I was and am very close to. I was and am very protective of all of them. But they are not my children. It is not the same, I'm sorry. I thought it was pretty close to the same--and then I actually had kids.

It doesn't mean you're incapable of making decisions for the children in your care, it's just very different when it's your own child. Once you have your own, it's no longer *just* that there's a child in your care who you love and wish to protect--it's your whole life, which could be torn apart in an instant. There is a whole new level of worry and fear when it's your own child.

TheOtherLovingMoms

I was just in a public restroom the other day when a mom came in with her daughter and 2 sons, both of whom were probably around 7 or 8. I had no problem with it. But then again my son did go in the women's restroom until he was 9. I would rather them be safe with a parent or caregiver then risk something happening because it can and does happen.

Shanny

Clearly we are getting off topic a bit here, but I have to address this:

"I may not have kids yet but I am at least as qualified as every mother on this board and more qualified than many because I have worked with many many children and not just the ones I've given birth to as is the case with most first time parents. This isn't my first rodeo."

I am not sure the boards go back this far anymore, but you will probably find similar quotes from me before I had Kate - 4-6 years ago. I mean, I have been working as a full time Nanny and Household Manager for my entire adult life, there is nothing I don't do for these kids besides birth them and nurse them RIGHT??? Oh, the crow I ate that first year and every year since!

With all due respect Lippysaunt - you are right, this isn't your first rodeo. You haven't even been to the Rodeo - yet. I know it sounds harsh but I promise you, as someone who has literally been there/done that you will feel differently when it is your own child and you will feel quite arrogant for saying things like the above to a group of Moms. I will share my leftover crow with you when the time comes

wasnervouswreck

Great another weirdo messing with a boy Google John Isabel Chavez

When opprutunity knocks.....