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May the TTC Odds be Ever in Your Favor
Patienceisavirtue
Posts: 777
My wife and I decided that we were ready to be parents in May of 2013. Being parents has always been on our agenda but last May we decided to start trying. We are both in our late twenties/ early 30s with life experience and a solid understanding of ourselves. She was in her first year as a post-doc with a flexible schedule and I was taking an extra year of school to complete my dissertation. We thought we could have some time home with our future baby and enjoy all of those little moments dreamed of by the parent versions of ourselves. While we are comfortable in our finances, we are by no means rich or well off (I mean, I am still a student and she is now paying off student loans). But, more than all of the logistics, we were mentally ready. Ready to experience the joys, frustrations, sadness, happiness, etc. that being a parent could bring. Ready to expand our love, share our love, and provide a life for a tiny human in this chaotic, scary, lovely world.
Our first challenge was figuring out why my cycles are irregular. I visited my primary care doctor, at the end of June, who ran some tests and figured out that my thyroid is functioning well, my kidney's are working, but my sugars were a bit high (interestingly she was not that concerned with my gyn health and did not do an exam since I had normal results the year prior with a different provider). She wanted to start medication but I was determined to stay medication free and proposed a plan to change my diet and exercise. At the time, I was interning 2 hours away from my home and eating many meals on the go. So even though I ate well at home, I was not eating that well most of the time. I was also a full-time student, doing a practicum, teaching undergrad, working on my dissertation and really had no time to work out. I took a good look at my life and decided to no longer be ruled by school. I began a running program, only ate meals we made at home, engaged in more stress management activities, and started going to bed at a decent hour. In July, I took provera to kick start my cycle, and by September I ran two 5k races, lost 20 pounds, got a regular period, and no longer had high sugar levels. I was bbt temping, peeing on every OPK stick I could find, and tracking cm.
October and November of 2013 the fertility signs aligned and we inseminated one vial each month, but our timing probably could have been a little better and both months ended in a BFN. In December, we ordered two vials to try and correct timing issues but the positive OPK was not followed by a thermal shift meaning I probably did not ovulate. My BFN came with a period that was light and short, so maybe more of a break through bleed than a real period. In Oct, Nov, and Dec first positive OPK occurred on CD 16. In January, I had some wet cm very early in the cycle (before I even start testing most months) so I decided to take an OPK and it was super positive on CD7. This meant we were unable to try in January and what seemed like a true period occurred 16 days after the positive OPK (like it has every other month).
I also started Vitex in January and noticed an increase in cm and higher BB temps that were now in the low to mid 97 range pre-ovualation to high 97 to low 98 range post-ovualtion instead of 95-96 range pre-ovualtion to low 97 post ovulation. In Feb, all of the fertility signs aligned again and we inseminated 12 and 29 hours after first positive OPK. FF confirmed ovulation the day after our late night insemination and we were feeling positive and hopeful that everything lined up well. I had also lost an additional 20 pounds and was hopeful that my health would help. But at 12dpo, I got a BFN and a new cycle began this morning. We are going to try again and March and I also made an appointment with an OB/GYN to see what is going on in there. While I am semi-fearful of doctors, I hope that we can get some answers/guidance to move forward.
Trying has not been a easy process, as it isn't for so many on these forums. I have been lurking on these pages, watching, waiting, learning, but fearful to jump in and share. I was not sure that I could provide hope, support, and excitement for others during times of my own misery and despair. I was not sure that I wanted the advice and opinions of others or that I really wanted to share my own journey that is at times filled with embarrassment, shame, self-loathing, and heartbreak. But most of all, joining the forum meant that I was in this for the long haul and that was scary because that meant I could have months to years of heartbreak.
I decided to start my train of hope to have a place to organize my thoughts, lay out the details of what I am doing, and provide additional data to anyone (lurker or active member) who may have a similar story to mine. I have learned that the women and occasional men on this forum are strong, supportive, and willing to provide any information they have to help others. I feel that I am now ready to share and join this forum with a happy heart.
To the active members who may be reading this: Thank you for unknowingly supporting me the last several months and thank you for sharing such intimate aspect of yourselves. Your strength, courage, and determination to carry on in the face of disappointment, loss, and heart ache show so much about your character and is inspirational to many.
And like I have been saying: May the TTC odds be ever in your favor.
Our first challenge was figuring out why my cycles are irregular. I visited my primary care doctor, at the end of June, who ran some tests and figured out that my thyroid is functioning well, my kidney's are working, but my sugars were a bit high (interestingly she was not that concerned with my gyn health and did not do an exam since I had normal results the year prior with a different provider). She wanted to start medication but I was determined to stay medication free and proposed a plan to change my diet and exercise. At the time, I was interning 2 hours away from my home and eating many meals on the go. So even though I ate well at home, I was not eating that well most of the time. I was also a full-time student, doing a practicum, teaching undergrad, working on my dissertation and really had no time to work out. I took a good look at my life and decided to no longer be ruled by school. I began a running program, only ate meals we made at home, engaged in more stress management activities, and started going to bed at a decent hour. In July, I took provera to kick start my cycle, and by September I ran two 5k races, lost 20 pounds, got a regular period, and no longer had high sugar levels. I was bbt temping, peeing on every OPK stick I could find, and tracking cm.
October and November of 2013 the fertility signs aligned and we inseminated one vial each month, but our timing probably could have been a little better and both months ended in a BFN. In December, we ordered two vials to try and correct timing issues but the positive OPK was not followed by a thermal shift meaning I probably did not ovulate. My BFN came with a period that was light and short, so maybe more of a break through bleed than a real period. In Oct, Nov, and Dec first positive OPK occurred on CD 16. In January, I had some wet cm very early in the cycle (before I even start testing most months) so I decided to take an OPK and it was super positive on CD7. This meant we were unable to try in January and what seemed like a true period occurred 16 days after the positive OPK (like it has every other month).
I also started Vitex in January and noticed an increase in cm and higher BB temps that were now in the low to mid 97 range pre-ovualation to high 97 to low 98 range post-ovualtion instead of 95-96 range pre-ovualtion to low 97 post ovulation. In Feb, all of the fertility signs aligned again and we inseminated 12 and 29 hours after first positive OPK. FF confirmed ovulation the day after our late night insemination and we were feeling positive and hopeful that everything lined up well. I had also lost an additional 20 pounds and was hopeful that my health would help. But at 12dpo, I got a BFN and a new cycle began this morning. We are going to try again and March and I also made an appointment with an OB/GYN to see what is going on in there. While I am semi-fearful of doctors, I hope that we can get some answers/guidance to move forward.
Trying has not been a easy process, as it isn't for so many on these forums. I have been lurking on these pages, watching, waiting, learning, but fearful to jump in and share. I was not sure that I could provide hope, support, and excitement for others during times of my own misery and despair. I was not sure that I wanted the advice and opinions of others or that I really wanted to share my own journey that is at times filled with embarrassment, shame, self-loathing, and heartbreak. But most of all, joining the forum meant that I was in this for the long haul and that was scary because that meant I could have months to years of heartbreak.
I decided to start my train of hope to have a place to organize my thoughts, lay out the details of what I am doing, and provide additional data to anyone (lurker or active member) who may have a similar story to mine. I have learned that the women and occasional men on this forum are strong, supportive, and willing to provide any information they have to help others. I feel that I am now ready to share and join this forum with a happy heart.
To the active members who may be reading this: Thank you for unknowingly supporting me the last several months and thank you for sharing such intimate aspect of yourselves. Your strength, courage, and determination to carry on in the face of disappointment, loss, and heart ache show so much about your character and is inspirational to many.
And like I have been saying: May the TTC odds be ever in your favor.
TTC #1: 1-5 BFN; 6- BFP
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
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Comments
Today is CD 7 and I have begun the hurry up and wait period. FF has my "fertile period" from CD 9 to CD20 and since I have ovulated as early as CD7 and as late as CD 20, I have typically start testing with Wondfos on CD 7. We had decided that we will order our tank to arrive on CD 14, so next Friday, since most of the time I ovulate between CD 16 and CD 18. My chart looks weird this month with my temps going up or down by almost .2 degrees a day. I am not sure what that means. Most of the time I am not sure of what any of this means!
I also do not know how I feel this month. Part of me still holds onto the excitement and the other part of me wants to go through the motions while avoiding feeling anything hopeful. I just hope that my appt. later this month will help or provide some answers.
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
Now to figure out when the heck to inseminate. I am for sure surging but my cm is slippery and not yet eggwhite. I don't want to jump the gun again but obviously do not want to wait too long either. Typically, depending on when I catch the surge, I have roughly 0-48 hours between first positive OPK and the temp rise. I have two ICI vials and think I am going to try to do tomorrow morning (24 past pos) and Wednesday some time. Why is this timing crap so hard and why does my body have to do something different every. single. month?
TTC #2: since June 2016...
After the insemination, I laid down for about an hour and did two different guided meditations. I am terrible at relaxing as I tend to run more anxious but I am hoping that the relaxation techniques will help me not worry so much.
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
Time to relax and try not to obsess for the next 13 days or so. (Yeah...right
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
I am going for blood work on Saturday. Part of me is excited to have some answers and get an idea of what I am up against. However, the other part of me is scared and worried that the the blood work is going to turn out to be something serious that will crush my dreams.
On a side note….Is it just me or did the the long cold winter give rise to an army of pregnant people who are walking the streets and torturing my soul with their bellies full of life?
TTC #2: since June 2016...
IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
IUI #8 04/15- BFN
TTC #2: since June 2016...
I knew patience would be key in this journey.......
TTC #2: since June 2016...
Around cycle day 7 several things happened that created stress in my life. Some of the stressful events were small and others could be life changing. For example, there is a big possibility of being relocated out of state when I still have to finish school in my current state, family members in the hospital, new supervisor at work, Easter, finals, terminations with clients, a trip out of town, etc. etc. etc. When my wife told me her job was relocating, I told her two days later (on cycle day 9) my ovulation would be screwed up this month.
Here I am cycle day 20, with my 8th day of flashing smiles, and no ovulation in sight. I usually have a fade in pattern with the Wondfos but they have been light with no indications of fading in. My temps have been all over the place and I have a good amount of CM but it is thick and rubberyish. The latest I have ovulated since I have been tracking is CD 20 but I haven't even had an LH surge yet. So, we sent the tank back this morning and are thinking about overnighting it when I get my surge (I don't ovulate until about 2 days later).
I just knew that the stress would delay ovulation. Even though I took time to relax, meditate, and de-stress...the stress was still being carried around in my body and my ovaries reacted accordingly. It's a nice reminder that our bodies are holistic and that humans are reactive to their environment. (And it also sucks hard because I want to insem, dang it!)
So remember ladies, take care of yourself...if not for you, for your ovaries
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
I am just going to pretend like we decided to not insem at all. Ugh.
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
I thought I saw a shadow of a line on the wondfo yesterday (11dpo) but I chalked it up to a fertility hallucination (you know those hallucinations you get when you think you see lines). Then today (12dpo) there was a clear pink second line but it was so light that I thought it was a joke. I immediately ran to the store for a digital. The family dollar, which is down the street only had blue dye ones and I was not taking my chances on those so I walked a mile to CVS.
$63 and 2 miles later the wondfo BFP was confirmed by a CVS and a first response digital! Pinch me, am I dreaming?
TTC #2: since June 2016...
IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
IUI #8 04/15- BFN
Today is my birthday and over the last month, every time my wife asked me what I wanted for my birthday I would say, "A baby." When I got my BFP, she goes, "Happy Birthday, See I always get you what you want" and then later said, "Thank God I pulled through for your birthday." Typing this it doesn't sound very funny but at the time it was hilarious.
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...
IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
IUI #8 04/15- BFN
The result of my first HCG test is: 960 at 18dpo (or 4 weeks 4 days). The nurse said it was a little low but that it probably means that I am early on. I go in for a my second test tomorrow. Since it is a holiday weekend, I have to wait until freaking Tuesday for the results. It is going to be a looooong weekend. I am terrified that it won't double or that it will go down or something.
My CM is still brown. Well, yellow/brown. (TMI) It has never been enough to show on my underwear, just when I wipe as I do not have very much cm at all but the color is still concerning. I had less cramps yesterday and only have a little right now.
TTC #2: since June 2016...
•4 weeks LMP: 5 – 426 mIU/ml
•5 weeks LMP: 18 – 7,340 mIU/ml
So I'm no doctor but your numbers look fine to me!!! Keep your head up!
IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
IUI #8 04/15- BFN
I had a thought today that if I am this anxious now, maybe motherhood is not suited for me! I am going to be an anxious mess the rest of my life. Although, most people say that I appear calm and relaxed but my insides are screaming! haha.
TTC #2: since June 2016...
TTC #2: since June 2016...