Injuries and comforting when parents aren't around

K&H

So, E can be quite a strong-willed kid. She's nearly 5 at this point and goes to playschool three hours, four days a week (although off now for summer). Other than that she is with either me or H at all times. We have had some live in help off and on, but it's generally pretty light, young babysitter types. She is very loving and very social.
Here's the thing.. When she gets hurt she shuts down completely. It doesn't happen often because she tends to be a physically tough and able kid. But there have been times. She fell off the play structure at school, hitting her head solidly against a metal pole, and when the kids gasped and the teachers came running she ran off and hid under a table crying. She yelled at the teachers to leave her alone if they tried to get near her. I had to be called to go and pick her up because they couldn't even tell if she was ok or not because she wouldn't let anyone near. I took her straight from there to her godmother's house (she used to be an EMT) and E was furious. She wouldn't let her anywhere near her and screamed and called her mean names (which made her godmother mad, not helping the situation). She did finally calm down and after a few hours decided that she would let the chiropractor look at it (turned out she did have an egg sized lump and her neck was out of alignment).
This has happened a couple of times in various situations, and I think it's been ever since she got hurt at my parents' house when H and I were out. Our dog accidentally pulled her off their front step and she got a face full of cement and his leash ripped her fingernail off. We got back to their house about 20 min later and it took nearly two hours to calm her down. That was more than a year ago.
Today she was at the playground with my dad and hurt her shin. She took off running for home without him and said she wanted he and gramma to go away, they couldn't talk to her or about her. Sometimes when people talk about her she will hide under the table and get so angry. And when she is angry (example, gramma cut her egg this morning instead of leaving it solid like I do), she just refuses to talk to them and screams at them if they try.
Is this a phase? How can we get her out of this and able to accept even verbal conversation or comfort from others when we're not there? She has one more year of preschool before Kindergarten and this is one of the reasons (among many).
She is a great kid and loves those she is close to with a fierce passion. But if you cross her, look out! How can we help her not take things so strongly and so personally?

Zen

While we don't have these extremes, I have had to educate Shiloh on socially appropriate responses. There's no getting through to her when she's in a mood or upset so I try to make it a game when everyone is sunny and happy. I'll bring up a situation and over-act it, make the typical shrieking/crying response look ridiculous, and then give the preferred response. Takes a few tries in real life when the situation actually occurs but we're getting there.

The examples you gave are legitimate and potentially serious injuries but maybe you could playact what to do when you have a boo-boo. Could take a while but hopefully when hurt she will learn to run towards help and not away.

hoping4number2

I can totally relate to your kiddo! When I get injured, I get angry. Mostly at myself, because usually it's because I was being clumsy or something. Other times it's just my first reaction. I think part of it is embarrassment (I really don't feel embarrassed, but I've gotten angry about injuries my entire life, so that's the only thing I can think of). I've noticed that our kiddo (age 4) sometimes does as well. My wife is baffled by this, but has learned to give each of us our space. One thing we have agreed on is that we MUST respond to the question "are you okay?" right after an injury. If the person (myself or kiddo) responds "yes" then we leave it. After he affirms that he is okay, he usually goes in his room and slams the door and then he comes out when he wants comfort, or sometimes just comes out of his room like nothing happened. We just go with it.

K&H

Has he gotten injured when you're not there? What does he do then?
I'm fine with her response when we are around, but I don't like the idea of her not responding to others when we're not there.

K&H

Yes, there are many ways our girls are alike!!
So you don't think it's a major failing on our parts? Or some sign of some deeper pain, or any other such thing I've convinced myself.
(In my defense, H has been away all week and I've had three kiddos on my own. I may be just a wee bit exhausted)

Shanny

I definitely don't think it is a "major failing". She is her won person with her own personality. Like Kate's fear of characters, I really don't think there was ever an incident and I thought she'd be outgrowing it but she isn't and it is just who she is. I am sure you already do but just continue to talk (after these episodes when things are calm) about how it is important for her ask for help if she needs it and you aren't there and let others care for her especially if she is hurt. Just let her know you worry that if she were to ever really be hurt at school or elsewhere that she wouldn't let the adults in charge take care of her, but that it is truly OK for her to trust other adults to do that in your absence. Maybe in that moment she would hear your reassuring words.

old mama

My youngest just turned 10 and he has been like your daughter all his life. He will get so angry when he gets hurt. Instead of running for comfort he will scream in anger and call me names. It is a good thing I was blessed with an extra helping of patience! I will try to send some your way!