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Anatomical Correctness Quandary
cocolibby
Posts: 385
We have always used correct anatomical terms for body parts, which includes private parts, with our boys, and we're definitely both glad that they can calmly and appropriately talk to us about their penises if necessary without collapsing into a fit of giggles. However, when it comes to certain aspects of how they talk about lady parts, I have enough discomfort to want to reconsider how we talk about these matters with #4. My wife is totally okay with the way it is and thinks I'm being a nutjob.
Here's what I mean: When one of the boys mentions that mom pushed them out of her vagina, I am completely okay with that. To varying degrees because of their ages, they understand the mechanics of intercourse, and of course the word vagina is appropriate in that sense. However, when they talk specifically about a certain person's vagina, like mine or my wife's, it totally creeps me out. For instance, when DW was pregnant with #3 and wearing only a tank top and underwear, our eldest said that her belly was getting big, and the then 3 year old said, "Her VAGINA is getting big!" If they barge into a bathroom or bedroom where a mom is getting dressed or peeing or bathing, they will always tell their brothers that they just saw mom's vagina. No!!! I know it's splitting hairs - I guess - but none of our sons have EVER seen either of our vaginas, nor do I plan for them to. They've never seen a vagina at all, although they would argue you till they were blue in the face because of our inadvertent mislabeling, I guess.
So, do you use the word vulva or labia or something until you're actually having a mechanics of sex discussion, or what?
I know I'm probably in the minority, but I really don't like loud, verbal small children carrying on about ladies' vaginas when what they really mean is pubic hair.
Here's what I mean: When one of the boys mentions that mom pushed them out of her vagina, I am completely okay with that. To varying degrees because of their ages, they understand the mechanics of intercourse, and of course the word vagina is appropriate in that sense. However, when they talk specifically about a certain person's vagina, like mine or my wife's, it totally creeps me out. For instance, when DW was pregnant with #3 and wearing only a tank top and underwear, our eldest said that her belly was getting big, and the then 3 year old said, "Her VAGINA is getting big!" If they barge into a bathroom or bedroom where a mom is getting dressed or peeing or bathing, they will always tell their brothers that they just saw mom's vagina. No!!! I know it's splitting hairs - I guess - but none of our sons have EVER seen either of our vaginas, nor do I plan for them to. They've never seen a vagina at all, although they would argue you till they were blue in the face because of our inadvertent mislabeling, I guess.
So, do you use the word vulva or labia or something until you're actually having a mechanics of sex discussion, or what?
I know I'm probably in the minority, but I really don't like loud, verbal small children carrying on about ladies' vaginas when what they really mean is pubic hair.
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Ha! I love that!
We didn't teach my daughters to call it a vagina because really, the part they are talking about isn't their vagina. It's their vulva, so that is what we've always called it. I've mentioned the vagina and what it is to them, but they're uninterested so far.
I'm wondering if your aversion isn't just the word, but also the topic. It's one thing for them to come to you about their own genitals (which is a parenting thing) and another for someone to talk about your own, you know? I probably would correct them on the term, but also tell them it is not polite to talk about other people's private parts. My kids just turned 4 and I have definitely wanted more personal privacy lately, and so have they. I think it's just a normal part of them growing up and I'm thrilled they're starting to understand privacy.
We have definitely told them that it's not okay to talk about other people's private parts, but it's not such a successful deterrent at times. (Especially with our youngest who has NO brain/mouth filter - just today he told our teenage neighbor he was fat, after having multiple interventions on this specific topic in the past) Yes, you're partially right that it's the topic, and also just how it sounds to say someone showed you her vagina - it conjures mental images that are not right, KWIM? It's more like I hope they would never be overheard or say it to the wrong person. Maybe I will insist on the word vulva from now on.
I imagine we're going to have a bit of a struggle on this one as she gets older.. also with discussing other bodily functions. I tend to be much more prudish than H who has no problem with talking about anything your body could possibly do! Oy.
Are they at an age where there's more of a boy-girl separation issue? i can't remember their ages, are they going to go through puberty soon (or have already)? Maybe that's part of your squeamishness?
Progesterone therapy and baby aspirin daily
Two miscarriages in between (August 2012 - same donor as Maggie, and December 2014 with husband)
Maggie
I think it would help prevent some of the ick factor from the original post, too. Correct, they're not seeing your vagina, and it's not a pleasant thought. But if one of my kids says "Mommy, I see your vulva" I just nod or whatever because they have. It's the same as if they said they saw my elbow.