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Ruh ro. Santa?
Shanny
Posts: 2,456
We've never done the whole "Santa" thing in our house. I've talked to Kate about how different people believe different things (same conversation we have about God) but it hasn't been an issue. Until now. I just got a text from a friend whose son is in Kate's class. Apparently they had a little chat today and she told him Santa isn't real and that parents just hide presents. Not sure what "hide" is about unless she's mixing the Easter bunny in there as well! She did say she believes in the Elf on the Shelf which is hilarious because she has NO clue what that is!
Last year she wasn't really old enough to get into much of a discussion. Seems times are a changing. I'm afraid if I talk to her tomorrow morning she will just walk into school and tell this little boy "my mom said that some people believe and some people don't". I'm not sure that's going to make this other family feel better. What should I do/say? She's bright but, she's 5. She deals only in reality. There's no room for fantasy in her little head so I'm not sure what the right thing to say is to make her understand that we don't want to dissuade others from their beliefs and by telling them you don't believe you are kind if doing that. Help!
Last year she wasn't really old enough to get into much of a discussion. Seems times are a changing. I'm afraid if I talk to her tomorrow morning she will just walk into school and tell this little boy "my mom said that some people believe and some people don't". I'm not sure that's going to make this other family feel better. What should I do/say? She's bright but, she's 5. She deals only in reality. There's no room for fantasy in her little head so I'm not sure what the right thing to say is to make her understand that we don't want to dissuade others from their beliefs and by telling them you don't believe you are kind if doing that. Help!
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I suppose if you're going all reality, all the time, then it might be time for a discussion of the origin of Santa. And a talk about the origins of myths, legends, fantasy.
Santa is a variation on St Nicholas who lived a long time ago. People want to believe stories of those who are generous and giving, and so they continue telling the story of someone who gives without getting, and gives to those he doesn't know. Over time the story has changed a lot and now, in the US, most people tell the story with details about the North Pole, elves, and reindeer. But in other countries they have other stories about Santa and believe other things. It's nice that everyone can have different beliefs for what fits their family. Our family chooses... (Whatever you want to fill in). Family stories and beliefs are often very important to people and it's considerate of their feelings to not tell them they're wrong, or that you know "the truth". To them, this representation of giving and generosity is their truth that they believe right now. We should never assume that we know the only truth, because everyone has their own perspective and thoughts and it's not considerate of us to throw out what they say simply because we don't choose to believe that "truth". To them it is the truth, even though to us it isn't. We need to always consider other people's feelings when we make a decision about what to say. Sometimes the more considerate thing is to not say anything at all and then come home and discuss it with mommy. Other people's stories and beleifs don't hurt us. Sometimes their actions hurt us, but that's not the case here, and if someone's actions hurt you then we can talk about what to do in that situation. But different beliefs don't hurt, so it's thoughtful and considerate to not challenge other people's beleifs.
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I felt bad last night but honestly after seeing her upset this morning I'm kind of annoyed that other people choosing to lie to their kids is putting ME in this position.
And no K&H, she does not believe in fairies, unicorns, dragons or other mythical creatures. First and foremost she'd be terrified if she thought those things were real. She likes to "pretend" by playing house, kitty cats etc but never using anything she can't grasp. Even when she hears about super heros and they play that on the play ground for a few days it is always short lived and she never really enjoys it. It's just who she is.
But then the thread got kinda serious.
Today on Facebook a friend of mine wrote the following post:
"I asked my son X (who is 4ish) what he wants to wear to halloween at school. I said it had to be something 'God created.' He said 'dinosaur.' "
Someone asked why the frowny face. She explained that she thought religions didn't support the existence of dinosaurs.
Obviously, some religions don't. Many do. Her information is partially correct and I assume, but don't know, that her son likely attends a faith based school that doesn't believe in dinosaurs.
That is their truth. They use faith and a Bible to develop their truth. I use archaeology to develop my truth in the existence of dinosaurs. And I use blockbusters like Jurrasic Park to know that we can totally bring them back. Side note.
My children will be taught respect above all else. You can disagree, and I'm sure they will, but your argument and discussion must come from a place of respect and tolerance of differences.
And yes, they'll have Santa and easter bunnies and dragons and fairies .... Because in some way and shape and form, I do believe all those things exist. Personal preference. I didn't really ever think a fat man was coming down the chimney in a literal sense, that I can remember, but I believe wholly in the magic of the christmas season.
But, I went to college for poetry and now I'm a designer. Hard facts and realities were never my strong point.
If it was me, and it's not, I like how K&H put it. It puts a strong emphasis on cultural difference and identity. That way you can raise a little anthropologist or sociologist.
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And these are 5 year olds we are talking about so of course they have no filter and don't think before they speak. Of course we discuss things and work on that but I am not going to make my child feel like she did anything wrong.
Perhaps a face to face talk with the mom will help clear things up. It's possible she's laughing over the whole thing but communicating over text is muddying the waters. Who knows!
Shanny's story brought home an old old memory of my discussing where babies came from. I never knew the stork brought them and it certainly didn't occur to me at age 5-6 not to contradict that story! I'm sorry that Kate felt bad about her part in the conversation.
In my house last year my 12 year old couldn't wait to see what Santa brought. My [then] 5 year old understood that Santa brings presents but also knows that he has lots and lots of helpers to assist with shopping and delivery. All the kids loved seeing Santa at the mall. My take on it is that it's a fun myth to perpetuate. They can believe as much as they want for as long as they want. Reality is there whenever they wish to clue in. And if they never do ... I'm okay with donning a red cap
Completely agree!
On another note, this whole conversation reminds me of "Big Fish".
love that movie! the dad character always reminds me of my own dad.
I love this. It just reminded me of how my political views changed over the years. I was brought up with an extremely conservative mom, and a conservative red neck/country dad. As my life experiences changed, as I met more people, etc. a lot of my opinions changed. Just like eventually this child will see his truth and his beliefs will eventually change. We all find our own truths for everything there is two (or more) sides to. Does that make sense?
I remember when I found out Santa wasn't true. The "Santa" wrapping paper that the present was wrapped in was stashed away in the attic which my younger sister and I decided to explore. I don't remember how old I was (8 or 9 maybe?) it was not some life altering event, but I definitely don't like the lying part of Santa. I will not "do Santa" with my kids.
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