Welcome to our new forum! All existing NW Cryobank forum users will need to reset their passwords. Click forgot password and enter your email address to receive the link. Email us at info@nwcryobank.com with any questions.
NW Cryobank community boards and sibling connect groups will no longer be available after December 20th, 2023.
Options
Known Donor Discussion Advice
b&kmakebabies
Posts: 818
We aren't 100% sure yet if we are going to go the KD route, but we both decided a long time ago that a certain friend would be who we asked if we ever felt the need to explore this option. He's the perfect choice and we both trust him completely. He was a college friend and now we just occasionally talk to keep in touch. So, he's not around all the time, which I really feel would be awkward in a way...
Anyway, I'm looking for advice. I mentioned the idea to him today and he said he would be honored to donate for us and he had decided a long time ago if we ever asked he would say yes. I've already contact a lawyer awhile ago in case we ever needed one to draw up a contract and she's waiting for my call if I ever need her, so all of that is pretty much taken care of.
Now I just want to know what types of conversation we need to have with the KD...for those of you who have used one, what did you discuss with him? This is what I have so far:
1. Contact with the child (when would this happen if at all)
2. Disclosure (will he tell others - family and friends - that he is donating and what are the conditions of this?)
3. Compensation (I'm sure he won't take money, but I do think he should be paid for gas definitely)
4. Testing before first attempt (STDs and a sperm analysis I'm assuming?)
5. Is he available to donate for a sibling if we want that?
Is there anything else we should discuss?
Anyway, I'm looking for advice. I mentioned the idea to him today and he said he would be honored to donate for us and he had decided a long time ago if we ever asked he would say yes. I've already contact a lawyer awhile ago in case we ever needed one to draw up a contract and she's waiting for my call if I ever need her, so all of that is pretty much taken care of.
Now I just want to know what types of conversation we need to have with the KD...for those of you who have used one, what did you discuss with him? This is what I have so far:
1. Contact with the child (when would this happen if at all)
2. Disclosure (will he tell others - family and friends - that he is donating and what are the conditions of this?)
3. Compensation (I'm sure he won't take money, but I do think he should be paid for gas definitely)
4. Testing before first attempt (STDs and a sperm analysis I'm assuming?)
5. Is he available to donate for a sibling if we want that?
Is there anything else we should discuss?
0
Comments
IUI~BFP (BORN STILL) AT 16w5d 4/3/14
Chemicals~IUI 7/24/14;8/21;BFNs~9/25;10/19;IVF#1-2/21/15~No embies made to blast.
IVF#2-BFP~4/16 trans. 2 embies
Anyway, thanks for your opinion. I'd really rather leave this thread for advice on discussion with the KD though, not the pros and cons of using one...
TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
Thanks!
TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
IUI #1- 07/12-BFN, IUI #2 08/12-BFN, ICI at home 10/12- BFN, Back to Back IUI #3 08/13-BFN, IUI #4 09/13-BFN, IUI #5 03/14- BFN, IUI #6 05/14- BFN, IUI #7 06/14-BFN
KD-10/14-BFN KD-12/14-BFN IUI #8 3/15 BFN, IUI #9 4/15 BFN, IUI #10 6/17 BFN
Potential Adoptive Parents- Baby Due November 2017!
IUI #8 04/15- BFN
When using a KD you have to put their name on the birth certificate or its a crime. It's what kept us away from Doing it. I also had a friend who used a KD which she completely regrets as he ended up going after her for rights to the child. I would avoid. She spent over 20k in court fees. The sperm is cheaper.
Ruthie Evan born 10/19/2015 at 36+6
I have a question, though, and this probably seems dumb, but I don't know how it works...if insemming with donor sperm at home (like from NW), how do you prove you used donor sperm when you are putting names on the birth certificate? Do you show some sort of paperwork from NW?
TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
PS. KD contracts don't hold up in most states whether you use a lawyer or not. If he decides he wants to fight for custody, he can. If you decide you need child support, he must give it.
IUI~BFP (BORN STILL) AT 16w5d 4/3/14
Chemicals~IUI 7/24/14;8/21;BFNs~9/25;10/19;IVF#1-2/21/15~No embies made to blast.
IVF#2-BFP~4/16 trans. 2 embies
TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
TTC from 06/2015...Baby M born 11/24/16!
Crap!!!' I reported your post instead of hitting reply!!!! Sorry Old Mama!!
IUI~BFP (BORN STILL) AT 16w5d 4/3/14
Chemicals~IUI 7/24/14;8/21;BFNs~9/25;10/19;IVF#1-2/21/15~No embies made to blast.
IVF#2-BFP~4/16 trans. 2 embies